Saturday, March 14, 2009

12 Years

I cannot believe that Chad and I have been married for 12 years today.  Time flies!  Many things have happened in those 12 years........some good, some not so good........the birth of 4 beautiful children, the purchase of 2 homes, the buying and selling of 8 vehicles, many family vacations and weekend trips, 9 ER visits, 2 serious back injuries, too many stomach viruses, fevers, and colds to count.  We have shared lots of laughter in joyous times, and we have shed many tears in trying times.  We have experienced way more highs and way more heartbreaks than I would have imagined.  Through it all Our God has been faithful.  He has been faithful to heal our bodies and our hearts.  Faithful to provide for our every need and more.  Faithful to take us by the hand and lead us when we have had no clue what to do next, or where to go, or how to deal with things.  I am so thankful to have shared 12 years with a wonderfully humble man who listens to God and to me and to our children.  I am so thankful to have shared our lives with a Wonderful God who has been so good to us.   The last 12 years have been an adventure for sure.  I look forward to the adventures of the next 12 years and more!  Who knows what all God has in store, but I know for sure He will continue to be faithful.  And I know for sure that I would choose Chad again and again to share in life's many adventures.  Thank you God for blessing me beyond my wildest dreams with a man who loves you and me unconditionally and will go anywhere and do anything for me and our family and his God.........even when it's hard.........even when it's scarry.  Thank you Chad for being open to everything God has for us!  I love you!

"For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11

Wednesday, March 4, 2009


I hate feeling alone.  I'm not talking about being alone.  I actually enjoy that.  Quiet time is nice.  I'm talking about that feeling of aloneness.  That feeling like no one understands, no one cares, no one is there for you.  My kids hate it too.  Tonight as I was getting Tucker ready to go to bed he had a bit of a melt down.  Unfortunately, I became impatient and frustrated with him.  I needed a minute to calm down.  I told him he needed to talk to God for a while, and I left him.....alone.  Looking back, I really did leave him alone, not just by himself.  My attitude and behavior spoke to him, "I don't understand, I am not here for you, and I really don't care (or atleast I'm not acting like it)."  Of course the minute I left him he was in tears.  My heart breaks thinking back on it.  I remember that feeling.  I remember having that feeling at times as a child.  I remember having that feeling as recently as a few days ago.  I hated it then and I hate it now.  It has to be one of the worst feelings in the world.  It is enough to crush your spirit.
  "My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?"  Jesus knew the feeling.  Though I truly believe that God suffered right there with him every step of the way, He was still human, he still Felt alone.  None of us are ever truly left all alone.  God is always with us.  He has promised to never leave us, never forsake us (Duet. 31:6,8; Heb. 13:5).  But the enemy is powerful, and his lies are often convincing.
As I laid with Tucker and comforted him, apologized and talked with him, I couldn't help but think about the millions of orphans who feel ALONE every night....  "NO one is here, NO one understands, NO one cares.... It breaks my heart.  It literally makes me feel sick, those memories of the same feelings welling up inside me.  Like I said before, that feeling is enough to crush your spirit.  That's probably part of the reason why I have such a heart for the 180 million orphans in the world.  I cannot stand to think of how Alone they must feel.....continually.  I want them to know and feel that they are loved, by God and by me.  I want to show them that they are Not Alone.  Just like I want, hope, and pray to somehow show my own kids.  God wants all His children to know.....You Are NOT ALONE!
Only God can defeat the enemy, but He has armed us with weapons of love to fight against him.  He has given us the opportunity to bind up the broken hearted.  Will we?
Praise be to God that we are NOT ALONE! 

Isaiah 61:1-3
"The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor.  He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion--to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair."